Duck Duck Cougar?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
