I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
