I think my vagina is haunted
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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