i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
