I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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