Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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