After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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