i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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