does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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