i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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