Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
