I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize