ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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