I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
