eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
