I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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