Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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