Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
