The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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