doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize