WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
