I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
