This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
