we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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