$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
