Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize