Who did Billy Mays play for?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize