Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
