Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize