You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
