he shaved USA in his pubs
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
