Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
