I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
