Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Semen is not good for contacts.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
