I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
this will be a night to untag.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think your dad took our porno
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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