I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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