Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
