You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
