I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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