I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
