I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
