He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
As shirtless as possible
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
But break dance skills will only take you so far
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
