Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize