You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize