Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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