theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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