So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
