i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
