he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
