So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
