Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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