No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
