So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
