I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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