He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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