I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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