im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
