dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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