Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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