somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
