its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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