im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize